....where are those stored?? I'd like to know where I can drop that off and never have to open it again. But as life has it, it's not that easy. Nothing ever is, it seems. And that truth reveals itself more and more as I get older.
Before, I used to have a breeze brushing things off my shoulders and extracting negative things out of my life. For example, stop talking to a friend that did me wrong, avoiding temptations and sketchy situations, and so on. And TIME, really was the determining factor for this ease of extractions. I stepped away from the situation and as time went on...I usually just got over it and voila- out of my system. They say there are two sides to absence (I may have mentioned it in previous entries, or maybe in my person journal) but here goes the two theories of absence..it can either..
1) make the heart grow fonder (("absence makes the heart grow fonder"))
2) out of sight, out of mind
And for me, it's the latter. I think that's why I get over it fast...because it's not in my range of view so I can easily slip it out of my mind and focus on something else.
But what happens when I can't escape it? I thought I had thrown that baggage away...ridded my mental health of it...wished them well and off our different ways we went...but as soon as it reappears, I get hot and bothered over it. Clearly a sign that I'm still harboring something. So...the older I get, the more I can't just trash my baggage, smile and move on. I've learned that I have to "confront my demons" as you will. And I have, I will and I'll continue trying.
But what's the best approach? In my experience of being a pseudo therapist I've learned that the absolute worse advice to give a person is to "just get over it". That won't fly and that will only aggravate the situation. It will make them feel incapable if they can't immediately do so and it's condescending. It's easy for us to tell someone to get over their problem, because we're not in their shoes experiencing it. And of course they would love to "just get over it". Who wants to be stuck in that drama/pain/hurt/anger? So instead, as all good therapists, I try to practice empathy...to help them try to get over it, to encourage them that they are capable of getting over it, and allowing them to get over it on their own time/pace ...as best as they see fit. Well, what happens when I tell myself to just get over it when I know that TIME is usually the one that does it for me naturally? Now I gotta force myself...do something to get over it. I've been thinking all day about the best way for me to do this....and I've come to the conclusion that writing is the best method.
So here I am writing. Not as frustrated over the situation as before. Releasing tensions through the keyboard. Vocalizing it somewhat. And as always, asking God for help ((though, something as pety as this I feel guilty asking...but I'm getting more comfortable going to Him with my problems, as small as they are)).
Anyways, I'm rambling again. I'm so glad for this blog...cleared my mind, organized my thoughts, and though not completely "over it"...I feel like I'm taking the right steps towards throwing that baggage in the dumpster ((where it fucking belongs!!)) <----- okay see, my way of getting over it =P lol. Done venting.
Yay! :)
<3 k
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
That's Life :) ((A Little Sentimental- Shh))
"I knew that I had come face to face with some one whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself." - Oscar Wilde
I've been wanting to divulge my new found feelings via this quote, but to dissect what I feel inside... vicariously through these string of words seems unjustified-- even if it is the best way to personify this whirl of...hi3749hkiyihpoua ((<--- that's a good thing btw)).
To the best of my abilities to recall where I stood 7-8 months ago, blocking every form of connection with someone ((or so I would like to think)), I can't really remember my initial impressions of him. It really was a blur, and the only thing I can remember is P shining so strikely real in him...that immediately I was "drawn".
It wasn't until a phone call where I realized the first part of this quote. And it wasn't until months later that I realized the second part-- key word "IF" i allowed it to do so... and the permission I gave myself settled in almost seamlessly without me thinking about it. ((which is freaking rare because I am such a rational person)) I didn't realize it was happening at the time it did. And I always question why him? ((as does he)) and for that question...I'm still trying to find the right answer. I mean, it's not like I don't know. I can go through a laundry list of his attributes that I admire, traits that I don't see in anyone else...but it's more than that and it's a feeling deep down that I can't accurately describe.
But so far I know...that I was aware of the possibilities that held if I did allow it, and even more so, if I helped and was actively allowing it. The fact that I didn't think I was...and no forced activity was initiated or even carried through on my end...makes me think that it was supposed to happen...after all.
It was good to break out of my jaded-ness. I knew I would...nothing ever stays stagnant in this life, right? but if everything is cyclical...for once, I hope this never goes away. Brandon Boyd said it best..."I think perhaps Love thrives on chance and unlikely circumstance. Life also thrives on these principles- and is life not love? and Love not Life?"
A toast to life...and love...and everything in between!
<3 k
I've been wanting to divulge my new found feelings via this quote, but to dissect what I feel inside... vicariously through these string of words seems unjustified-- even if it is the best way to personify this whirl of...hi3749hkiyihpoua ((<--- that's a good thing btw)).
To the best of my abilities to recall where I stood 7-8 months ago, blocking every form of connection with someone ((or so I would like to think)), I can't really remember my initial impressions of him. It really was a blur, and the only thing I can remember is P shining so strikely real in him...that immediately I was "drawn".
It wasn't until a phone call where I realized the first part of this quote. And it wasn't until months later that I realized the second part-- key word "IF" i allowed it to do so... and the permission I gave myself settled in almost seamlessly without me thinking about it. ((which is freaking rare because I am such a rational person)) I didn't realize it was happening at the time it did. And I always question why him? ((as does he)) and for that question...I'm still trying to find the right answer. I mean, it's not like I don't know. I can go through a laundry list of his attributes that I admire, traits that I don't see in anyone else...but it's more than that and it's a feeling deep down that I can't accurately describe.
But so far I know...that I was aware of the possibilities that held if I did allow it, and even more so, if I helped and was actively allowing it. The fact that I didn't think I was...and no forced activity was initiated or even carried through on my end...makes me think that it was supposed to happen...after all.
It was good to break out of my jaded-ness. I knew I would...nothing ever stays stagnant in this life, right? but if everything is cyclical...for once, I hope this never goes away. Brandon Boyd said it best..."I think perhaps Love thrives on chance and unlikely circumstance. Life also thrives on these principles- and is life not love? and Love not Life?"
A toast to life...and love...and everything in between!
<3 k
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