"I knew that I had come face to face with some one whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself." - Oscar Wilde
I've been wanting to divulge my new found feelings via this quote, but to dissect what I feel inside... vicariously through these string of words seems unjustified-- even if it is the best way to personify this whirl of...hi3749hkiyihpoua ((<--- that's a good thing btw)).
To the best of my abilities to recall where I stood 7-8 months ago, blocking every form of connection with someone ((or so I would like to think)), I can't really remember my initial impressions of him. It really was a blur, and the only thing I can remember is P shining so strikely real in him...that immediately I was "drawn".
It wasn't until a phone call where I realized the first part of this quote. And it wasn't until months later that I realized the second part-- key word "IF" i allowed it to do so... and the permission I gave myself settled in almost seamlessly without me thinking about it. ((which is freaking rare because I am such a rational person)) I didn't realize it was happening at the time it did. And I always question why him? ((as does he)) and for that question...I'm still trying to find the right answer. I mean, it's not like I don't know. I can go through a laundry list of his attributes that I admire, traits that I don't see in anyone else...but it's more than that and it's a feeling deep down that I can't accurately describe.
But so far I know...that I was aware of the possibilities that held if I did allow it, and even more so, if I helped and was actively allowing it. The fact that I didn't think I was...and no forced activity was initiated or even carried through on my end...makes me think that it was supposed to happen...after all.
It was good to break out of my jaded-ness. I knew I would...nothing ever stays stagnant in this life, right? but if everything is cyclical...for once, I hope this never goes away. Brandon Boyd said it best..."I think perhaps Love thrives on chance and unlikely circumstance. Life also thrives on these principles- and is life not love? and Love not Life?"
A toast to life...and love...and everything in between!
<3 k
