This was meant as an avenue to transcribe my journey ever since my life has changed in tandemed, so-called "dramatic scenes"..meant to make me stronger? realize some truths? shake me up? whatever it was meant for...my virtual journal right here forced me to write whatever I wanted in hopes of finding some type of therapeutic remedy, and keeping me balanced in this mixed-up world I'm living in.
The lack of writing here, thus far, just proves my insecurities of "stage fright" in a sense and readers' criticism ((if I even have such people who want to waste their precious time reading this...if that's the case, my deepest apologies & gratitude at the same time lol)). or maybe...my lack of finding time in my busy schedule is to blame. maybe it's a good thing I haven't written...because so much has happened since then that I can't even phathom trying to sum up or describe with such adjectives as "amazing" "great" "beautiful" and the infamous one..."fun"
But a little taste of my reality won't hurt...so cliffnotes will suffice.
April was really a month that became the tipping point of this blissful snowball effect that's still gaining momentum and growing. Friendships strengthen...and with each friendship, more of myself came out and the pieces started to come together. An unexpected friendship brought out sides of me that I didn't know sat dormant. The initial month....was "fun"
May ((mind you, I have to look back at my iPhone calendar. thank my short term memory for that annoyance of constantly digging around my iPhone). I call this the introduction month...when everything foreign about a person's world starts to introduce themselves to you. The "sides of town", dinner talks, basketball games, butterflies of meeting those close to them, small reasons to see them, enjoying every min you get to spend getting to know this person yet anxious to continue living your life ("do you" comes to mind). In that moment I'd say I was....cautiously optimistic. Still held my beliefs and life close but slowly entertaining the idea of actually liking the feeling of trusting another...
June...wow, looking back at my calendar I was all over the place. Some time was spent obssessing over how fast Bella is learning and growing into a little, big person. The workplace got a little more "secured" and I can now say I have no worries about my employment/financial securities ((ok, that's a little premature, as we all know that employment/unemployment is unpredictable but I am happy for now)) and "growing pains" start to surface that either make or break a union. I smiled when I wrote that...because it's never been this "easy" ((I use that word very loosely), understood, mature, light hearted and simultaneously real & deep and in-synced. To have growing pains... not only strengthen two people, but build even more respect and sentiments for each other....it's a winning combination so rarely experienced. "blessed" to know another person with the same outlook, goals, respect, maturity level, well rounded life & personality...that word, "blessed", is such an understatement.
July..is a trip. Bella can laugh and more cognizant of her surroundings. She discovered her voice and high-pitchly yells randomly to test it out. She's eating baby food coupled with milk. Witnessing her familiarizing herself with all her senses and discovering her little world is so AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL...and I can't even think of another adjective that will do this feeling justice. One of my bestest friends got married, in which I was lucky enough to be by her side through it all. This has been the biggest trip of all...because at this time last year the scene was completely black & white ((let's just say...Vegas, single, 21st birthday, summertime, intoxication, dancing...lol)). I'm very happy to see her in a better state though. And finally...laying foundations upon foundations with this crazy, romantic, surreal, but REAL, heart achingly overwhelming...love. And that's all I'll say about it for now...for the childish fear I still have of "jinxing" lol. The quote for the month "thank God for unanswered prayers" ((js))
geez, that outburst of giddiness at the end could be a cause to vomit..lol. my apologies again. I am just so completely and madly happy and I feel it's well deserved. like I've reminded myself almost everyday....count your blessings...and through everything I went through and my attempts to go through them with class and gratitude and respect and with a smile still on my face...I knew that they were all meant to teach me something, to serve a greater cause. and I've never seen a revelation or the reason as clearly as this right here..it's beyond anything I could ever ask for :)
<3 k
